That's me today. Can you tell Mike is out of town?
The cat is sick again. Can you tell Mike is out of town? ha! The dog has also been sick. Remind me again why we're getting a second dog? Oh... that's right. We're crazy.
I've been plagued by migraines for several years. It started when I was 20 and sort of went away when I got on birth control. I started cycling through my pills to avoid having them. In April I spoke with my doctor about my migraines and she gave me a hormone patch and some migraine medicine. I had completely forgotten about the migraines when I chose to go off hormonal birth control. Dr. S asked me what I planned to do about the migraines and I had no idea. I hoped that they were a thing of the past.
They're not. It started Wednesday only I didn't recognize the signs. Tab and I were going for happy hour and I couldn't walk straight. This was before the drinks. I just felt dizzy. By the time we got back to her house that night, my head was in full on headache mode. I downed some water and tried to sleep it off. The next day I started taking Excedrin hoping to keep the migraine away. I had stuff to do that day. Today... same story. I came home from work and took a Trexmet and hoped for the best. I think at that point my psyche finally succumbed to what I had been fighting.
Next thing I know, I'm squeezing my head and sobbing. I was so scared. I've never had to go through the pain of a migraine alone and this was by much worse than anything else I had every experienced. My neck hurt, I wanted to throw up and I couldn't stop crying which was only making it worse. I was considering going to hospital but knew I couldn't drive. I have a really hard time asking people for help. What if they took me and I felt better? I'd feel stupid. I sent a text message to my good friend Dr. Dennis asking him about drug interactions.
Let me say that I was very disappointed with my body at this point. Here I am trying to better myself by not taking prescription drugs and now I want to know about drug interactions?! Big sigh.
Anyway. I feel much better now. The soma helped more than anything else. My forehead was so tense that I looked like I had a scowl on my face. It was so painful.
The purpose of this post is to ask what YOU do for migraines. When I worked for a Chiropractor, that totally did the trick but I'm not in a place financially to see a chiro a few times a week. This bums me out beyond belief but it is one of my goals. I know a few patients we had used a spray product that would help with their headaches and I WISH I remembered what it was.
I'm all about naturopathic remedies so please share yours.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Diaphragm Fun
Last Friday I had an appointment with my gynecologist to get fitted for a diaphragm. Diaphragms seem so.... last century to me. Anyway, going in there I had no idea what to expect and boy was it interesting.
Dr. S came in the room and asked what I was there for. I explained that we had recently decided to stop using hormonal birth control and would like to try out the diaphragm. After re-acquainting herself with my cervix she began explaining how the diaphragm works. She squeezed about a half gallon of thick jelly lube in to the diaphragm while explaining that we'd need to use spermicide with it but for learning, lube would be fine. She filled the entire thing with lube.... it was oozing everywhere. She squeezed it in half and popped it right in. Well, not right in. I jumped a little and we laughed. She told me that she'd leave the room to give me some privacy with my new friend. I need to get up and walk around the room, squat down, put my leg up on the bed.... really get a feel for it...because I shouldn't feel it at all. After that, she suggested that I remove the diaphragm and then practice putting it back in. Once it's in, repeat the walking/squatting/leg lifting. She'd be back to check on my placement in a few minutes.
Easy enough, right? Walk, squat, lift. We're good. Remove? Takes a little bit of work to un-suction it but I got it. The edges of a diaphragm are super springy. It's a bit more difficult to squeeze together than I thought it would be. In fact, as I squeeze it together, the slippery little sucker goes flying in to the air and flings lube all over the place. I dive for the device and catch it, thankfully. *whew* It's not the most comfortable thing to put in but I manage and repeat the walk/squat/lift and all is well. I hop back in the stirrups and patiently wait for her return.
I got an A+ for placement! Trips to the lady doctor are always a good time.
Dr. S came in the room and asked what I was there for. I explained that we had recently decided to stop using hormonal birth control and would like to try out the diaphragm. After re-acquainting herself with my cervix she began explaining how the diaphragm works. She squeezed about a half gallon of thick jelly lube in to the diaphragm while explaining that we'd need to use spermicide with it but for learning, lube would be fine. She filled the entire thing with lube.... it was oozing everywhere. She squeezed it in half and popped it right in. Well, not right in. I jumped a little and we laughed. She told me that she'd leave the room to give me some privacy with my new friend. I need to get up and walk around the room, squat down, put my leg up on the bed.... really get a feel for it...because I shouldn't feel it at all. After that, she suggested that I remove the diaphragm and then practice putting it back in. Once it's in, repeat the walking/squatting/leg lifting. She'd be back to check on my placement in a few minutes.
Easy enough, right? Walk, squat, lift. We're good. Remove? Takes a little bit of work to un-suction it but I got it. The edges of a diaphragm are super springy. It's a bit more difficult to squeeze together than I thought it would be. In fact, as I squeeze it together, the slippery little sucker goes flying in to the air and flings lube all over the place. I dive for the device and catch it, thankfully. *whew* It's not the most comfortable thing to put in but I manage and repeat the walk/squat/lift and all is well. I hop back in the stirrups and patiently wait for her return.
I got an A+ for placement! Trips to the lady doctor are always a good time.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Taking charge of my fertility
Let me just say that we are NOT trying to get pregnant. Our goal is to not get pregnant. I've been on hormonal birth control for many years and I feel like it's time to rid my body of synthetic chemicals. No more adderall and no more birth control.
Well, no more birth control in the traditional sense of the word. We are taking charge of my fertility with the help of the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).
Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The definitive guide to natural birth control. I end the title there simply because that's what I'm using it for. I've only just started reading the book and I'm finding it very interesting. Mike and I have several friends who have been unable to conceive and more than one of them struggle with not knowing WHY they can't. One of our dearest friends says the hardest part for them, is there is no medical explanation as to why they can't get pregnant. Not knowing must be torture. It hurts my heart to think about it.
I think it's interesting that most doctors still go by the 28 day cycle rule and therefore do so many of the tests based on ovulation taking place at 14 days. 28 day cycles are not "the norm" and therefore most testing done isn't very accurate. I also am amazed that many women get pregnant and miscarry pretty regularly. The only way they would know if this was the case was if they were charting the basal body temperatures.
All this time I always thought fertility was based on our eggs... not our cervical fluid. I mean, yes, it's a combination of the two but the fluid is so important.
I'm on fluid watch for sure, from here on out.
Well, no more birth control in the traditional sense of the word. We are taking charge of my fertility with the help of the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).
Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The definitive guide to natural birth control. I end the title there simply because that's what I'm using it for. I've only just started reading the book and I'm finding it very interesting. Mike and I have several friends who have been unable to conceive and more than one of them struggle with not knowing WHY they can't. One of our dearest friends says the hardest part for them, is there is no medical explanation as to why they can't get pregnant. Not knowing must be torture. It hurts my heart to think about it.
I think it's interesting that most doctors still go by the 28 day cycle rule and therefore do so many of the tests based on ovulation taking place at 14 days. 28 day cycles are not "the norm" and therefore most testing done isn't very accurate. I also am amazed that many women get pregnant and miscarry pretty regularly. The only way they would know if this was the case was if they were charting the basal body temperatures.
All this time I always thought fertility was based on our eggs... not our cervical fluid. I mean, yes, it's a combination of the two but the fluid is so important.
I'm on fluid watch for sure, from here on out.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Ultimate Laze
After Thursday's workout with Jeff, I stayed and did my final day for week one of Couch to 5k. It wasn't as fun on the treadmill. I kept staring at Soup Plantation and pretending that I was running there. I've never been to Soup Plantation though so I couldn't think of a particular food to run towards.
Food probably shouldn't motivate me but it does. I want to be one of those people who has a bangin' body and eats whatever she wants (Hi Giselle!) because she loves to run so much.
My good friend Tabitha was telling me that she's fallen in love with her Nike+ all over again. I agreed with her that they were awesome because everyone I know that has one LOVES it. It tracks your running and pace and all this stuff and I think I need one. I think I need one of everything though.
I took my body bug off on Friday because I was heading out with friends and it's not the most attractive thing to wear out. I have yet to put it back on. I also have not tracked anything that I've eaten and I have not exercised (in the traditional sense) since Thursday. Saturday we did a lot of walking around Malibu and Hollywood but not near enough.
I need to set a new goal. What inspires you to keep working out? Vacation? Special events?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Failure
This week has been full of it. But you know what? That's ok. Life is full of ups and downs and what matters most, to me, is my happiness. and dangit! I'm happy :)
I've gotten quite a bit of positive feedback from people reading my blog. I wish people would comment HERE but I'll take what I can get.
My best friend from many moons ago contacted me recently about some books that I should check out. They were The Cancer Free Diet, Foods that Heal, Foods that Harm, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm very excited to purchase all of these. I wonder if Mike would mind if I bought an E-Reader while he's out of town....
I did day two of Couch 2 5k yesterday and I didn't do as well as I did on Sunday. Mike went with me, which is awesome but I feel like I push myself more when I'm alone. I shouldn't feel insecure running but for some reason... I do. I'll do the third day tomorrow and then it's time to kick it up a notch!!
I am meeting with my trainer tonight and I really don't want to go. After I took Mike to the airport this morning, I picked up my phone to text Jeff that I was canceling. Then I remembered "no canceling with Jeff because I want to be lazy"... so I didn't cancel. Good thing too because I ate three tacos today and had some coconut bliss ice cream. I need extra cardio.
Wow... according to My Fitness Pal, my tacos were nearly 1200 calories. That's a whole day's worth of food. Ugh. Going to the gym early tonight.
I've gotten quite a bit of positive feedback from people reading my blog. I wish people would comment HERE but I'll take what I can get.
My best friend from many moons ago contacted me recently about some books that I should check out. They were The Cancer Free Diet, Foods that Heal, Foods that Harm, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm very excited to purchase all of these. I wonder if Mike would mind if I bought an E-Reader while he's out of town....
I did day two of Couch 2 5k yesterday and I didn't do as well as I did on Sunday. Mike went with me, which is awesome but I feel like I push myself more when I'm alone. I shouldn't feel insecure running but for some reason... I do. I'll do the third day tomorrow and then it's time to kick it up a notch!!
I am meeting with my trainer tonight and I really don't want to go. After I took Mike to the airport this morning, I picked up my phone to text Jeff that I was canceling. Then I remembered "no canceling with Jeff because I want to be lazy"... so I didn't cancel. Good thing too because I ate three tacos today and had some coconut bliss ice cream. I need extra cardio.
Wow... according to My Fitness Pal, my tacos were nearly 1200 calories. That's a whole day's worth of food. Ugh. Going to the gym early tonight.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Where's the hump?
I'm ready for Wednesday. Mike returned on Sunday and it's been crazy ever since. First the cat got sick and now we have plumbing issues. I'm just thankful I don't have to deal with this alone. Poor Mike.... he really needs a shower.
I met with my trainer tonight and had a pretty decent session. I just feel so weak. I know that it takes time to change the body after so many years of being sedentary but I'm impatient.
Today, I'm way over on calories but I really over estimated a lot of things because I was just so unsure. I wasn't able to do my 5k training but it's ON tomorrow.
I am having a hard time tracking food lately and it's sort of frustrating... plus, my diet has been pretty much the same the past few days and it's getting boring.
Yesterday I consumed a total of 1,777 calories. My fat was through the roof because of the coconut milk and then I had coconut bliss ice cream and THEN I had tacos. Mike makes the best tacos ever so I don't regret it for a second. I'll have to snap some photos next time he makes us tacos.
According to my Body Bugg, I burned a total of 2,225 calories yesterday which gives me a deficit of 448. However, I'm really confused because My Fitness Pal (MFP) isn't really BB friendly. My brain can't wrap around how to make them work together. I mean, I know I have to use the Apex website to track everything but I really don't want to track food in two places and last time I used the Apex site... well, I just didn't like it. I've renewed my membership with Apex and will probably track in two places just because I have nothing better to do while I'm at work all day. I really like that at the end of each day, MFP tells me how much I'll way by a certain date if I continue to eat the weigh I'm eating.
I met with my trainer tonight and had a pretty decent session. I just feel so weak. I know that it takes time to change the body after so many years of being sedentary but I'm impatient.
Today, I'm way over on calories but I really over estimated a lot of things because I was just so unsure. I wasn't able to do my 5k training but it's ON tomorrow.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Couch25k
Day one done! It wasn't so bad. Honestly, it was a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. I can run about 45 seconds before I start wondering when my minute is up. I'm eager to see how quickly that changes.
After my run, I headed to our local farmer's market and picked up some strawberries for my protein shakes. I love our farmer's market so much. Such great energy there.
I decided to head over to The Sanctuary next and check out their new birthing center. Holy crap, it was NICE. I want our bedroom to look like this place. Hopefully they'll have photos up soon. They aren't just a birthing center though... they also do family wellness and I think this might be our new primary care physician. I also would like to speak with them about studying to become a Doula and eventually a midwife.
Mike returns from his trip today. I'm very excited to see him but a little sad that he's only home for 3 days before he heads back out again. I'm hoping to get him out in the sun for an hour tonight to help with the jet lag. I'm also hoping he's in the mood for sushi because I'd really like to take him to Hamakaze.
We're home!
Hamakaze was delicious. If you live on the west side of Los Angeles, I recommend it. I'm a little unsure of how to track that food but I'm going to try.
Breakfast: Same as yesterday 222 calories
Lunch: Protein Shake - 259 Calories (drank all 16oz throughout the day)
Dinner: Spicy Salmon roll and crispy rice cakes with spicy tuna, sake and beers. This isn't entirely accurate calorie wise but -996 calories
Energy in 1477
Energy out (according to my body bugg at 8PM)- 2290
That's showing a deficit of 813 kcals. Assuming I underestimated my energy intake by 300kcals, that's a 500 deficit and I'm ok with that.
After my run, I headed to our local farmer's market and picked up some strawberries for my protein shakes. I love our farmer's market so much. Such great energy there.
I decided to head over to The Sanctuary next and check out their new birthing center. Holy crap, it was NICE. I want our bedroom to look like this place. Hopefully they'll have photos up soon. They aren't just a birthing center though... they also do family wellness and I think this might be our new primary care physician. I also would like to speak with them about studying to become a Doula and eventually a midwife.
Mike returns from his trip today. I'm very excited to see him but a little sad that he's only home for 3 days before he heads back out again. I'm hoping to get him out in the sun for an hour tonight to help with the jet lag. I'm also hoping he's in the mood for sushi because I'd really like to take him to Hamakaze.
We're home!
Hamakaze was delicious. If you live on the west side of Los Angeles, I recommend it. I'm a little unsure of how to track that food but I'm going to try.
Breakfast: Same as yesterday 222 calories
Lunch: Protein Shake - 259 Calories (drank all 16oz throughout the day)
Dinner: Spicy Salmon roll and crispy rice cakes with spicy tuna, sake and beers. This isn't entirely accurate calorie wise but -996 calories
Energy in 1477
Energy out (according to my body bugg at 8PM)- 2290
That's showing a deficit of 813 kcals. Assuming I underestimated my energy intake by 300kcals, that's a 500 deficit and I'm ok with that.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Feeling down
Holy Crap, my calves are feeling yesterdays workout! I love it. I kind of wish I had forced myself to go at 11 this morning to another class.
Today I set out to walk to Venice Beach. It's absolutely gorgeous outside and the perfect day for a walk. I loaded Zara up in her harness, grabbed my bottle of water and my ipod and off we went. I actually wanted to run today and planned on starting my Couch to 5k training program but two problems came up. I couldn't find the fanny pack (stylish, I know) and the first day of training is only 20 minutes. I have small back pack I used to hold all my junk but it doesn't work so well for running. I feel like if I had a iPhone and an arm strap, I could go without an ipod and my blackberry. I want a running program on my phone and my music as well. I don't want to have to run carrying a back pack or wearing a fanny pack. What do you use to hold are your stuff while running?
A mile in to my very brisk walk, I was STARVING. I had a major moment of weakness and I gave in. I'm really bummed about this. Usually, I have pretty good will power but not today. I called and ordered a pizza. I justified ordering this by doing my walk home extra fast. I made it home in the half the time and just in time for the delivery to arrive. and then I ate 4 small slices and had a glass of wine.
According to My Fitness Pal, I'm pretty ok on Calories considering it's 7:15 at night.
Breakfast: High Fiber English Muffin, half tsp of butter, cinnamon & sugar with an espresso with sugar and coconut milk - 222 Calories
Lunch: Wheat Pita Bread (1/2 of one), 1tbs baba ganoush, tabouleh salad and tzasiki - 81 Calories (yes, I've been eating this a lot but it was leftovers and they are finally gone!)
Dinner - 4 slices of thin crust pizza with artichoke, garlic and spinach and a glass of wine - 841 Calories
Energy in: 1144
Energy Out: 213
I have 269 calories remaining... I think I'll have a protein shake later.
To wrap up... I'm really disappointed that I got so down on myself today for eating pizza. When I had that last piece I got frantic trying to figure out what I could do at home in order to increase my activity level for the day. I don't want to be obsessive about this but I almost feel like I have to be. In an effort to not be so freaked out I've started using my Body Bugg again. I have a love hate relationship with this thing. I mainly hate it because my trainer likes to have a contest and try to beat his last score (how many cals I burn) and I usually want to throw up afterwards. Anyway, I just really want to not get so down about this sort of thing.
In an effort to hold my self accountable, tomorrow I will start the couch to 5k training. Run for 60 seconds, walk for 90. I can do this. and I will report back.
My husband comes home tomorrow. I can't wait to show him what I've been working on.
Today I set out to walk to Venice Beach. It's absolutely gorgeous outside and the perfect day for a walk. I loaded Zara up in her harness, grabbed my bottle of water and my ipod and off we went. I actually wanted to run today and planned on starting my Couch to 5k training program but two problems came up. I couldn't find the fanny pack (stylish, I know) and the first day of training is only 20 minutes. I have small back pack I used to hold all my junk but it doesn't work so well for running. I feel like if I had a iPhone and an arm strap, I could go without an ipod and my blackberry. I want a running program on my phone and my music as well. I don't want to have to run carrying a back pack or wearing a fanny pack. What do you use to hold are your stuff while running?
A mile in to my very brisk walk, I was STARVING. I had a major moment of weakness and I gave in. I'm really bummed about this. Usually, I have pretty good will power but not today. I called and ordered a pizza. I justified ordering this by doing my walk home extra fast. I made it home in the half the time and just in time for the delivery to arrive. and then I ate 4 small slices and had a glass of wine.
According to My Fitness Pal, I'm pretty ok on Calories considering it's 7:15 at night.
Breakfast: High Fiber English Muffin, half tsp of butter, cinnamon & sugar with an espresso with sugar and coconut milk - 222 Calories
Lunch: Wheat Pita Bread (1/2 of one), 1tbs baba ganoush, tabouleh salad and tzasiki - 81 Calories (yes, I've been eating this a lot but it was leftovers and they are finally gone!)
Dinner - 4 slices of thin crust pizza with artichoke, garlic and spinach and a glass of wine - 841 Calories
Energy in: 1144
Energy Out: 213
I have 269 calories remaining... I think I'll have a protein shake later.
To wrap up... I'm really disappointed that I got so down on myself today for eating pizza. When I had that last piece I got frantic trying to figure out what I could do at home in order to increase my activity level for the day. I don't want to be obsessive about this but I almost feel like I have to be. In an effort to not be so freaked out I've started using my Body Bugg again. I have a love hate relationship with this thing. I mainly hate it because my trainer likes to have a contest and try to beat his last score (how many cals I burn) and I usually want to throw up afterwards. Anyway, I just really want to not get so down about this sort of thing.
In an effort to hold my self accountable, tomorrow I will start the couch to 5k training. Run for 60 seconds, walk for 90. I can do this. and I will report back.
My husband comes home tomorrow. I can't wait to show him what I've been working on.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Let's Get Physical
I'm always up for trying new things and tonight I went and checked out Pop Physique on the West Side. Months ago, I bought a one month pass but at the time they only had studios in Silverlake and Studio City. Neither of which are close to me. Mike and I were out running errands last week and I saw that a Pop Physique studio had opened near our house. I think Mike almost ran off the road when I screamed and pointed it out.
It's super easy to book classes through their website... totally user friendly. I was looking forward to this all day. Until I got home. I started having anxiety about going. What if I suck? What if it's more dancing hip hop than ballet and I look silly. What if I can't do it? Thoughts like this are what prevent me from doing a lot of things in life. My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be but sometimes I do have freak outs. I sucked it up and went. It's within walking distance from my house. How can I not go?!
I enjoyed myself. My arms are killing me. I had to make a phone call on the way home and I could barely hold the phone up to my ear. AND I USED 2LB WEIGHTS! haha. My arms are so weak. Scratch that... no self deprecating talk anymore. I had a great arms workout yesterday so I was definitely feeling the burn. I keep forgetting to do the Operation Beautiful thing at places though. I need to be better about that.
Today's Food Choices:
I figure this is probably pretty boring for some readers but I want to explain WHY I'm doing it. 1200 Calories a day is pretty restrictive in my world. It might be easier once I start working out more and I create larger deficits but until then, it's a struggle. Often times I wonder what on earth do people eat on that sort of nutrition plan. This is to help people who need food ideas. Also I have a bad habit of gravitating towards what I know and what's easy so I eat the same things day in and day out and that's not good for a at least two reasons. First, variety is the spice of life - eating the same foods all the time gets boring. If we are bored with our food choices then we may gravitate towards exciting foods like Bacon Cheeseburgers. Second, if we don't have enough variety in our diets, then we aren't getting the proper vitamins and nutrients. I would love readers to share recipes with.
I always eat the same thing for breakfast, Monday - Friday.
Steel Cut Oats with Flax Oil and Maple Syrup (haven't had flax oil this week so the kcal count is sans oil), Coffee with Coconut Milk and Sugar - 391 Calories
Snack-
Fage 2% Greek Yogurt with Maple Syrup and a cup of red grapes, Yakilt Probiotic drink, and a proteiin shake after my workout - 458 Calories
Dinner - Pita Bread with a tsp of baba ganoush, tabouleh salad, Tzasiki and some Hummus with a glass of wine - 330 Calories
Energy In = 1532
Energy out = 415
It's 9 on a Friday and I am so ready for bed.
It's super easy to book classes through their website... totally user friendly. I was looking forward to this all day. Until I got home. I started having anxiety about going. What if I suck? What if it's more dancing hip hop than ballet and I look silly. What if I can't do it? Thoughts like this are what prevent me from doing a lot of things in life. My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be but sometimes I do have freak outs. I sucked it up and went. It's within walking distance from my house. How can I not go?!
I enjoyed myself. My arms are killing me. I had to make a phone call on the way home and I could barely hold the phone up to my ear. AND I USED 2LB WEIGHTS! haha.
Today's Food Choices:
I figure this is probably pretty boring for some readers but I want to explain WHY I'm doing it. 1200 Calories a day is pretty restrictive in my world. It might be easier once I start working out more and I create larger deficits but until then, it's a struggle. Often times I wonder what on earth do people eat on that sort of nutrition plan. This is to help people who need food ideas. Also I have a bad habit of gravitating towards what I know and what's easy so I eat the same things day in and day out and that's not good for a at least two reasons. First, variety is the spice of life - eating the same foods all the time gets boring. If we are bored with our food choices then we may gravitate towards exciting foods like Bacon Cheeseburgers. Second, if we don't have enough variety in our diets, then we aren't getting the proper vitamins and nutrients. I would love readers to share recipes with.
I always eat the same thing for breakfast, Monday - Friday.
Steel Cut Oats with Flax Oil and Maple Syrup (haven't had flax oil this week so the kcal count is sans oil), Coffee with Coconut Milk and Sugar - 391 Calories
Snack-
Fage 2% Greek Yogurt with Maple Syrup and a cup of red grapes, Yakilt Probiotic drink, and a proteiin shake after my workout - 458 Calories
Dinner - Pita Bread with a tsp of baba ganoush, tabouleh salad, Tzasiki and some Hummus with a glass of wine - 330 Calories
Energy In = 1532
Energy out = 415
It's 9 on a Friday and I am so ready for bed.
ADHD
Two years ago I was diagnosed with adult ADHD. ADHD wasn't a huge deal in my life other than my boss would get really annoyed because I couldn't seem to get much accomplished.
Un-medicated, I would literally walk in circles in my desk area thinking of all the things I had to get done. As soon as I'd head in one direction, it'd click that I needed to do *this* and would head back to where I started from but then I'd remember *that* and go the other way. It was constant until I could get myself to sit down and write it out.
Medicated, I could just write the list and then do it.
Un-medicated my mind went a million and two miles per hour. I had all these thoughts and ideas but I just couldn't get them out. I was happy though. Just a bit scattered.
Medicated.... that went away. I stopped writing. I stopped creating. I .... I just stopped. Life became very "this is what needs to be done and this is how it will be accomplished". and that's great... don't get me wrong, but I immediately felt stifled. At first I was ok with that but as time went on, I got bored.
I guess the boredom is a big part of the medication process. We always hear about bipolar people tired of not feeling or they feel sane so they stop taking their meds. Are we a society that's not meant to feel? Sometimes life is easier when we don't feel. It can be easier to numb that feeling (whatever it may be) than actually deal with it. Often times, we don't have the tools to deal with it and therefore just medicate.
Anyway. Last week I took the final exam in my nutrition class and I also stopped taking Adderral. I figured if I'm not in school I don't need it. My job is easy enough now that I think I can handle it un-medicated.
So today, Thursday, is day 6 un-medicated and I can feel the difference. At first I thought it was just excitement (or possibly the mexican coke) but now.... now I feel like it's more than that. My brain is seriously going crazy. An hour ago I set my lap top down and started getting ready for bed. I felt that I had finally cleared my head enough to get some rest. Only while I was putting on lotion and petting the cat (bad combo, btw) a million more thoughts started coming in.
Part of reaching optimal health is going to include getting rid of the various prescriptions I'm on. I don't particularly have to be on any of them so I think it's best to see what life is like without them.
Un-medicated, I would literally walk in circles in my desk area thinking of all the things I had to get done. As soon as I'd head in one direction, it'd click that I needed to do *this* and would head back to where I started from but then I'd remember *that* and go the other way. It was constant until I could get myself to sit down and write it out.
Medicated, I could just write the list and then do it.
Un-medicated my mind went a million and two miles per hour. I had all these thoughts and ideas but I just couldn't get them out. I was happy though. Just a bit scattered.
Medicated.... that went away. I stopped writing. I stopped creating. I .... I just stopped. Life became very "this is what needs to be done and this is how it will be accomplished". and that's great... don't get me wrong, but I immediately felt stifled. At first I was ok with that but as time went on, I got bored.
I guess the boredom is a big part of the medication process. We always hear about bipolar people tired of not feeling or they feel sane so they stop taking their meds. Are we a society that's not meant to feel? Sometimes life is easier when we don't feel. It can be easier to numb that feeling (whatever it may be) than actually deal with it. Often times, we don't have the tools to deal with it and therefore just medicate.
Anyway. Last week I took the final exam in my nutrition class and I also stopped taking Adderral. I figured if I'm not in school I don't need it. My job is easy enough now that I think I can handle it un-medicated.
So today, Thursday, is day 6 un-medicated and I can feel the difference. At first I thought it was just excitement (or possibly the mexican coke) but now.... now I feel like it's more than that. My brain is seriously going crazy. An hour ago I set my lap top down and started getting ready for bed. I felt that I had finally cleared my head enough to get some rest. Only while I was putting on lotion and petting the cat (bad combo, btw) a million more thoughts started coming in.
Part of reaching optimal health is going to include getting rid of the various prescriptions I'm on. I don't particularly have to be on any of them so I think it's best to see what life is like without them.
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| I'm actually running two printers and two computers today. I can't focus! |
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| The other side of my desk. It's pure CHAOS. |
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| Our dog, Zara. Because it wouldn't be a post about ADD without something totally random. |
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 1 Summary
Picture Time!!!
I'm really not THAT excited about pictures but in an effort to love myself and my body I am going to post them. I also want to see my progress. So, day 1 pictures. Yay.
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| Front Shot, excuse our room |
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| Side View |
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| Not the best back shot, but I'm alone so it's the best I could do. |
Whew. What a day. I would like to wrap up each day by posting what I ate and drank for the day and the workout that followed.
Today was a bad day food wise. It's like I set this goal in my head to do these great things and then immediately went and ate/drank crap.
Breakfast: 1 cup of cooked steel cut oats w/ 1.5 tbl of 100% Pure Maple Syrup
Snack(?): PB&J (two slices of whole grain toast, 1tbl of all natural PB and a 1tsp of natural preserves)
Lunch: About a cup of fettucini with truffle oil and butter sauce.
Snack: Homemade Lily Bar
Post Work Out: Homemade strawberry smoothie with protein and l-glutamine and chocolate almond milk.
oops, forgot I had a mexican coke today too. Man, it was GOOD.
Today isn't very accurate because I decided half way through the day to start this journey and I didn't want to put it off until tomorrow. :) I'm going to be tracking everything through My Fitness Pal. I pretty much broke even but I'm over on carbs by 44 grams.
GYM TIME!! Met with my trainer tonight and was not excited to be there. Mike is in Jordan and called distressed and it freaked me out. I've also been suffering from slight vertigo lately so the two combined and I just felt blah. I NEEDED to work out though. I did 30 minutes of arms and then 20 minutes on the treadmill. I did about 15 minutes of running at a pace of 4.5 and the rest was walking at about a 3.5.
Last night, as I laid in bed I thought about everything I'm thankful for. I felt super at peace when I went to sleep. Then I woke up a few hours later wide awake. I want this to be a new tradition. (the giving thanks... not the waking up a few hours later)
Goodnight.
Goals
I have a million things I want to post about and I want to do it NOW!!!!!
I want to cover what I eat every day. I want advice on how to make my diet better. I want input from everyone.
I want to talk about working out, running, yoga... any kind of exercise. I want to know about the latest and greatest but most importantly, the most fun!
I want to post photos of myself and Mike at the beginning of our journey and constantly keep this updated. I want everyone to be a part of our transformation.
Right now my goals are as follows:
1. Get off hormonal birth control. I've been on birth control for many, many years and after reading Caitlin's story, I was inspired. I just need to buy the book.
2. I want to learn how to love my body. Not to judge myself and most importantly not worry if others are judging me. Operation Beautiful is helping me with that.
3a. Mike is hands down the best Chef I know, but I want to be a great chef too. Any time he travels for work, my healthy food choices go out the door with him.
3b. Work with Mike to "let go" in the kitchen. He doesn't always have to be in charge. :)
4. Start the Couch to 5k training program. Running a marathon is a big goal... must start small.
5. No more missing training sessions with Jeff because I want to be lazy.
6. If I want my body to change, I have to start monitoring my caloric intake again. *sigh*
I will touch on each of these goals in future posts. For now, I'm off to read Janet Evanovich's Sizzling Sixteen! What are you reading?
I want to cover what I eat every day. I want advice on how to make my diet better. I want input from everyone.
I want to talk about working out, running, yoga... any kind of exercise. I want to know about the latest and greatest but most importantly, the most fun!
I want to post photos of myself and Mike at the beginning of our journey and constantly keep this updated. I want everyone to be a part of our transformation.
Right now my goals are as follows:
1. Get off hormonal birth control. I've been on birth control for many, many years and after reading Caitlin's story, I was inspired. I just need to buy the book.
2. I want to learn how to love my body. Not to judge myself and most importantly not worry if others are judging me. Operation Beautiful is helping me with that.
3a. Mike is hands down the best Chef I know, but I want to be a great chef too. Any time he travels for work, my healthy food choices go out the door with him.
3b. Work with Mike to "let go" in the kitchen. He doesn't always have to be in charge. :)
4. Start the Couch to 5k training program. Running a marathon is a big goal... must start small.
5. No more missing training sessions with Jeff because I want to be lazy.
6. If I want my body to change, I have to start monitoring my caloric intake again. *sigh*
I will touch on each of these goals in future posts. For now, I'm off to read Janet Evanovich's Sizzling Sixteen! What are you reading?
And we're off
A little back story....
I grew up in a house where nutrition wasn't a priority. Sure, I was fed at every meal but it was far from healthy. I grew up on junk food. Donuts for breakfast, peanut butter m&m's for lunch and S'mores poptarts for dinner. I, along with my parents, did not make very wise food choices.
Fast forward 27 years to when I met my husband (Mike) and my eating habits slowly changed. I kicked disordered eating to the curb and embarked on a new journey. A healthy one.
Mike proposed to me on July 1, 2009 and I have to say that was probably the catalyst for change. I wanted to look my best for our wedding day. I signed up for Bridalicious Boot Camp and that's where my fitness journey began. Unfortunately, after being totally sedentary for 10 years, I injured myself. I was devastated. Fortunately, my diet was super on track (or so I thought but we'll get to that later) so I didn't worry about gaining a bunch of weight or anything. After boot camp, my husband and I made the choice to be healthy together. We want a long and healthy life together so we joined L.A. Fitness and each got our own personal trainers. Holy crap! Jeff and Shaun love kicking our butts.
After a couple months of solid working out, I started getting inspired. I feel great and want to do great things! I want to run in the Nike Women's Marathon. I want Mike to run in the L.A. Marathon with me. I want to do it for The John Ritter Foundation for Aortic Health and for myself. I want to touch people's lives in the way so many have touched mine. There is so much I want to do and I want to share my journey with others.
So... this will be my public diary. This is where I will hold myself accountable.
I grew up in a house where nutrition wasn't a priority. Sure, I was fed at every meal but it was far from healthy. I grew up on junk food. Donuts for breakfast, peanut butter m&m's for lunch and S'mores poptarts for dinner. I, along with my parents, did not make very wise food choices.
Fast forward 27 years to when I met my husband (Mike) and my eating habits slowly changed. I kicked disordered eating to the curb and embarked on a new journey. A healthy one.
Mike proposed to me on July 1, 2009 and I have to say that was probably the catalyst for change. I wanted to look my best for our wedding day. I signed up for Bridalicious Boot Camp and that's where my fitness journey began. Unfortunately, after being totally sedentary for 10 years, I injured myself. I was devastated. Fortunately, my diet was super on track (or so I thought but we'll get to that later) so I didn't worry about gaining a bunch of weight or anything. After boot camp, my husband and I made the choice to be healthy together. We want a long and healthy life together so we joined L.A. Fitness and each got our own personal trainers. Holy crap! Jeff and Shaun love kicking our butts.
After a couple months of solid working out, I started getting inspired. I feel great and want to do great things! I want to run in the Nike Women's Marathon. I want Mike to run in the L.A. Marathon with me. I want to do it for The John Ritter Foundation for Aortic Health and for myself. I want to touch people's lives in the way so many have touched mine. There is so much I want to do and I want to share my journey with others.
So... this will be my public diary. This is where I will hold myself accountable.
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